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How to deal with Mother -in-laws Does your mother-in-law always think she knows what's best for her son? Is she interfering, disapproving and demanding? Time to try these tactics; if you're lucky, she might become your ally. Whenever my ex-mother-in-law paid a visit she had the charming habit of running her fingertip along the tops of my door frames to check for dust. She would stare mournfully at her dirty digit, heave a great sigh and say: 'I suppose I'd better wash my hands.' I caught her pulling out my cooker to check if I'd cleaned underneath it once. Her meddling didn't stop at my housework. My harridan-in-law was forever offering to get her hairdresser to sort my hair out properly for me, and she used to buy me tiny see-through items of lingerie to encourage the production of grandchildren. It is possible to neutralism a meddling mother-in-law and even turn her into an ally. The first thing you have to accept is that your partner is going to be almost no help |
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Time demands Making demands on his time is a common tactic. He always has to visit on Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Christmas, Easter, birthdays and anniversaries. Visits must last the whole day or there's Olympic-standard stropping. She always rings early on Saturday and Sunday mornings and she is impossible to get off the phone in less than half an hour, day or night. Then there's telling you how he likes his eggs cooked, potatoes roasted, shirts ironed, etc. Not to mention bringing round food parcels and unsolicited tidying up. And nothing brings out her inner witch like marrying her son. Regardless of who is organizing the wedding, his mother will try to throw her weight around like a sumo in a photo booth. Becoming her ally The other difficult point is that, no matter how much of a cow she appears to be, she's almost certainly doing it for what she feels are the right reasons. Accept that she is not Satan and you are halfway there. Make her feel important Ask her to organization transport and accommodation for his side of the family or all elderly relatives. Ask her to look after the cake or the flowers – after they have been confirmed with suppliers and cannot be changed, of course. Let her go wild with something that small. It doesn't matter how ghastly her taste is; no one will remember the little things at your wedding. Apply the same principle to daily life. If his mother is a pain in the are, it is probably because she really wants to be involved in her son's life. Serious girlfriends make many mothers insecure. Involve her in things where she can be genuinely useful.
If she insists that only she can make gravy the way he likes it, ask her to show you how. Get his favorite recipes from her. If you want to be sneaky, make a dish imperfectly so that she can tell you where you went wrong. Whatever you do, don't ask for advice you have no intention of taking. It is guaranteed to offend. And if that doesn't work... |
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